Supporting Someone who has been Sexually Assaulted

When someone has been sexually assaulted they need a great deal of support, which may be provided by counselors, the police, doctors, and other professionals. However, often the victim will also need support from family, friends, and loved ones who may not know how to help. The following offers some guidelines for the family member trying to help someone through the trauma of sexual assault. 

  • Believe the victim - It is essential that they are believed. Recognize that it takes courage to report a crime of this nature and the victim needs your support. Your response can contribute towards an easier recovery for the victim. 

  • Set aside your own agenda - The first response of a family member, especially if they knew the attacker, is often to go looking for the offender. Leave this to the police if the attack has been reported to them. Stay with the victim, ensure their safety, and provide support that your presence can offer.  

  • Reassure the victim that the assault was not their fault - Do not criticize the victim’s behavior for anything they may have done before, during or after the assault, for example having been in a specific place at a particular time. The survivor may already be having feelings of guilt or responsibility for not having been able to prevent the attack. Remember, no one is responsible for sexual assault except the person who committed the assault.

  • Avoid the impulse to take control -

    • Sexual abuse makes people feel a loss of control. Allow the survivor to make as many decisions as she can handle. Help her reestablish her competence and sense of control.
    • Do not speak for them unless they specifically ask you. When friends, the police, etc ask questions, always allow them speak for themselves.
    • Offer reassurance that you are there and that you will give the survivor your support. Help them to trust that you will not push them into expressing things before they are ready. Make it clear that they are free to choose to speak to someone less emotionally connected, such as a counselor, but do not pressure them into anything they are not ready for.

  • Be aware of your limits - The survivor may need different support from different people. You cannot, nor should you try to be, everything for them. Sometimes a trusted friend or colleague can help in ways that those closest to the person cannot.

Many victims of sexual abuse do recover. This is not to suggest that they will ever forget what happened to them, but with the help of family, friends, and caring professionals they can go on with their lives and eventually find comfort, safety, and happiness again.